I'm Getting Married!!!

Sooo I met this wonderful guy at work back in September, we started dating in November and he proposed in January. lol. I couldn't be happier. I just know that this is the guy for me this time. He is everything I have always been looking for in a husband and a mate. He's wonderful, caring, loving and intelligent. I love him to death. We are planning on getting married March 21st of this year. Yeah, some people say we are going too fast but I don't think so. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together so what's the use of waiting?? There are some people that say because we are moving so fast we will end up divorced....and yet others that tell us they know we will last forever because they see how we are with each other. If one of us is down we always manage to get cheered up by the other one just by being around them. A lot of cynics at work think we are getting married because I am pregnant...but I am NOT pregnant sooo...they can just keep thinking what they want. I love him, he loves me and THAT is why we are getting married...no other reason. I said this time before because I was engaged once....but by the time we reached this part in our relationship I realized he really wasn't the one for me because he was being two-faced with me. Jon isn't like that. Jon is going to make a wonderful husband and one day father too. I am getting so excited/nervous about getting married. I want to do everything right. As does he. We paid our deposit on an apartment last Thursday and he is going to start moving in sometime next week. I won't move in until after we get married but we will go ahead and start moving my stuff in with his next week. I guess that is really all I have to say for now but I will try and update later. We won't have internet for awhile after we move in but eventually we will be back online. TTYL!!!

Weight Loss is kinda in a plateau

Sooo...I seem to be stuck now at 195....I still wanna lose about 45 more pounds to reach my goal weight of 150. But I think I am just gonna try for 20 right now...and worry about the other 25 when I do reach the 20 pound mark. Here are some new pics of where I am now and where I wanna be in the future. If you wanna see where I started at it's in a post or two further back. The top pic is me where I am now...second is me 20 pounds lighter and the third is my goal weight at 45 pounds lighter. An additional incentive for me is I finally have a good boyfriend who is treating me right....so I think he will help me lose weight too. More about him later ;)

losing weight

I dunno what has triggered my weight loss in the past year or so...but I am very happy for it. I used to be at a very hefty 262 pounds...I am now down to 207 and still losing...thank God. I did a virtual model thingy online....with a weight loss simulator. It's likeness is not exact...but it gives me a general idea. Here is the pic of what it came up with :-)



I have gone from size 24 jeans down to size 20s...and now they are getting kinda baggy on me. My goal is that hopefully within one year I will lose the 72lbs needed in order to be at a good natural weight for me. I am not really doing a diet...but I have quit eating fast food and out at restaurants as much as I used to. So hopefully this trend will continue. I was plateaued for awhile...but it seems to be letting up again. Wish me luck!!

I Got It I Got It!!!!

Lol...whooohooo!!! I FINALLY got my degree in the mail yesterday!!!! YAYY!!!! ::jumps up and down excitedly:: LOL....I am soooo happy!!!!!

happy new year

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!! :-)

2 Days Until Christmas

Only 2 days left until Christmas and man it doesn't feel like the Christmas season at all to me. I have been sick since Tuesday....just have a cold I can't seem to shake for nothing. Ended up calling out of work yesterday cuz I had no voice...i have been coughing so much my voice is practically non-existent at times. yippee. I just hope this crap goes away soon. We are having a Christmas party/gift exchange here tomorrow night with my brother and his girlfriend and her two kids. That should be fun. I gotta work from 8am-4pm at work tho...so hopefully I won't be too tired. (that is if I even make it to work). It felt so weird yesterday calling in to work. I haven't done that at all in the whole year and a half I have been working there before now. Graduated from college on December 9th....now I just want to find a job in my major which is easier said then done where I live at. Oy. The kids are here now but are taking naps....yay....silence for an hour or two at least. They are here until 8 tonight. I like having them around...they just won't listen to me about anything. It is like I am there only to be their play-mate...nothing else. If I try to tell them to do something they just ignore me most of the time. Every now and then (if they feel like it) they will listen to me. Their ages are 3 (the little boy) and 4(the little girl).
I have been made a crew trainer at work now...so I got a .40 payraise. It just means that I have to help the managers train the new crew members and continue training the ones that are already there. It's not too bad, I did my first part of that job on Thursday night when I was feeling like crap. That was interesting cuz I couldn't talk very loud and they were having problems hearing me....so I kept having to repeat myself. Not fun at all. But at least it showed me how easy it was to do that part. Well newho...enough rambling for now.

Merry Christmas Everyone (or Happy Hannukah) or whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate.

Finally Graduated

I am finally a college graduate. Woohoo!!! I just graduated with a BS in Biology with a Molecular Concentration. Now the hard part comes....trying to find a job near where I live. Fun and Joy :-/

depressed and excited and just generally moody...

So yeah...really depressed today and I don't know why. I am kinda just coming to the realization that people who I thought were my friends aren't really good friends at all. Which could be part of the depression. I am just kinda trying to stay positive and be happy that graduation is coming up in a little over a month...as long as I pass my Biotechnology class with a B or better. (if not my QPA will be too low).
On another note I scared the hell out of my cat today on accident and got scratched because of it. haha. He was sleeping on my belly while I was laying on the couch and I went to sit up and I guess I scared him cuz he jumped like 6 inches in the air and landed with his claws out and hissing at me. hahaha...this is funny because this cat never hisses at anything or anyone. Not unless he's really mad.
I have an introduction to a paper that I need to be typing which I haven't even started on yet....it's not due until Monday tho so that's not too bad. I did at least outline what I was going to type :-) Sometimes I just wish I could take a vacation from life...it gets really stressful for me around this time of year. Dealing with a bunch of emotional shit as well as working 30-40 hours a week and taking 3 college courses to finish out my degree. I just wish I could disappear for awhile and not have to talk to anyone or eat or do anything but sleep so that I dont have to think about anything. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and bawl my eyes out. If only I could take a day...or a week....(a week would be better) to try and get undepressed I might feel better. I dunno....one can dream right???

Oh, what a night!!!

LOL. Well, my night last night was ok....until I had to get off work. I leave to go to my car, to realize...I'd locked my keys in my car!! So I go back inside and call my mom's cellphone five time to no answer....then call my cell phone's roadside assistance to find out we don't have that coverage...to finally finding my car insurance office's phone number and calling them. I got off of work at 10:24.....tow truck didn't get there until 11:30 or somewhere thereabouts....so he uses the thing and lets me in my car. Funniest part of it all....my keys were sitting right there on my dashboard!!! lol. So I drive home....and try to get in the door...and the screen door is locked. Therefore I can't get into my house. So I rang the doorbell a few times trying to wake up my mom to let me in. She doesn't hear it. I finally realize that her windows were open due to the a/c being shut off....so i went to her room and woke her up. Me: Momma!! (no answer) Me: MOMMA!! her: unh??? Me: Get up!! her: why?!?!? me: because you locked me out!!! after a beat from her: well, how did I do that?!?!? me:cuz you locked the screen door!! her: oh. hahaha....so after a very interesting night i managed to finally get in my house and get to bed. One thing I realized tho...after I had finally called my car insurance company...even if I had reached my mom, she didn't have her car (or so I thought) so she couldn't help me. When I finally got home tho....she did have her car. So all of that could have been avoided if she hadn't gone to bed so early!!!! lol. No harm no foul tho so all is well and I am just a crazy woman who locked her keys in her car. TTYL!!!

Spring Break '06 BABY!!

LOL...me and my best friend get to go to Myrtle Beach again for our Spring Break!! yay!!! We did it a couple of years ago too....but it wasn't the same cuz her mom was with us and we couldn't really do anything. But this time...we are going to have some fun!!! I know we are at least going to drink one night...hahaha. We got a hotel room right on the beach...so lush!! yes!! hahaha. We are planning on going to Hard Rock Cafe at least once and going to Broadway on the Beach. I am soo excited!! This break cannot come soon enough and it could not have come at a better time!! We are just lucky that her school and mine have break at the same times. But yeah, just wanted to say that for now. I will fill ya in on how it goes after I get back!! lol.

party night

Not much new is going on in my life...I am back at Pembroke but still working at Taco Bell on the weekends...such fun and joy. I am basically having fun this year balancing two jobs, school and my social life. haha. My friend and I had a little drinking party just the two of us one night...tried SoCo...wasn't too bad but she got the 100proof so it was a bit stronger than I would have liked. And of course, my signature liquor...Hpnotiq! haha. Can't go without that stuff! We just watched tv and drank and smoked some cigarettes...overall had a good time. I stayed at her house that night and barely got any sleep cuz it was a Thursday night and Thursday nights at my school means party night....especially at the apartments where we were. The whole premise behind us drinking and everything was we had both had a bad week and needed to unwind. It was the anniversary of my dad's death and then her grandma had died. Sooo...we drank and let it all out. It was quite refreshing. Well, I am gonna go ahead and go because me and my friends are supposed to go out to Bennigan's tonight and have some fun...lol. I need to call them and figure out what's going on. Alrighty then. I will ttyl!!

Late Summer News

Well, I finally did find a job. Bad thing is..it was back at Taco Bell where I swore I would never go back to. blah. Anyhow...same shit different time period I guess. haha. Only now it's not so much the customer's that I have problems with but *some* of the people that I work with. Not all...just some. There's one guy that gets on my everlasting nerves and I wanna do nothing but tell him off one day. Then we got people there that do half ass jobs then have the nerve to sit there and get on MY ass if I forgot to do something small and inconsequential!! What the hell is that??!?!?! Grrr...stupid people. I am gonna try to keep on working there during the school year, but only working weekends. If I can handle it. I hope I don't go insane!
I finally got my roommate information...I am soo mad because I really wanted a single room again...I loved that last year. But noooo they had to go and find me a damn roommate. Grr...I guess I will see how things work out. Push comes to shove I still will have enough money to switch to a single room either in Pine or Belk...I hope to stay in Belk tho. I wanted my room tho that I had last year...I dun see why I should have to give it up when I was the one that reserved it! It makes no sense whatsoever. bah. Stupid rules. BITE ME! In a way I am ready to go back to school in another I am not. I am afraid moreso how this roommate is gonna be...is she gonna be kind and considerate??? or is she gonna be a bitch and inconsiderate?? I just dunno. I want someone who's not gonna use me or take me for granted. I want someone who will be a good friend...but that has yet to happen so I doubt it ever will.
This girl that lives down the street from me...we were best friends up until about 8th grade....is trying to reconcile with me now. So we are talking again and supposed to go hang out tomorrow. She is pregnant with her first child. I am soo happy for her...I told her she better let me know when she goes into labor..haha...that hospital is gonna be crowded with people for her!! She finds out next Wednesday what sex the baby is gonna be. They want a boy because males aren't common in one part of her family and she grew up with 2 sisters wanting a brother all that time. So...yeah. lol. We shall see what happens :-) Welp, I am gonna go to bed now. TTYL!!

summer break

Well...there are some good and bad parts to this being summer break. Good part being that I am outta school...bad part being that I now have to look for a job. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a job around here??? It's insane. lol. I have only put in applications to the places that say they are hiring...and still no luck. I hope that it starts to look up soon because I am going insane. I am glad to be home though...even though I miss my friends from school. Mom is trying to do our family tree now...it's crazy. I had no idea we had so many people in our family!! LOL. I didn't do as good in school this last semester as I would have wished. I got all Cs and Ds...not good at all. The two Ds were two classes that I was really worried about too. Zoology and Chemistry 2. What makes me upset about the D in Chemistry 2 is that the teacher told me not to worry about my grade...yet I HAVE to because I need a C or above in that class to pass. So I am planning on changing my major now to Chemistry: Medical Technology...that way the only class I will really have to retake is Chemistry 2...and then actually for that major my GPA is where it needs to be so...there is no REAL need to retake it, but I probably will anyways. I have an interview tomorrow for Baldino's...I don't really want to work there but I need a job so...we shall see what happens. I put in two applications today for the type of job I really want...which was PWC as a secretary and the library as a library page. I hope to hear back from at least one of those. I also put in an application at Target but chances of me hearing back from them are slim because they had a long list of people who applied. Mom and I just watched "Phantom of the Opera"...I love that movie. Never seen the actual play before but the movie was pretty good. Well, I am gonna go now cuz I gotta get up in the morning to go to church with mom. TTYL!!

blah

Sucky spring break man. Was sick for almost all of it. Not much going on in my life other than that but then I lead a relatively boring life. Managed to get mom sick too...so now she is suffering from it when I feel much better. I wanted to do so much for my spring break...and thanks to being sick I ended up doing none of it. The most I got done was I got my hair cut yesterday and my eyebrows done. I dun wanna go back to school tomorrow. I wanna magically be done with it and have my degree already. haha...doubt THAT will happen. I am gonna go up to Greensboro to visit Kat Easter weekend as long as I don't have to work. I hope I don't have to work cuz that would suck. We were gonna go to the zoo part of it and then who knows what else we were gonna do. I know Seigi and Karen and Sam want to go to Smithfield this coming weekend. We shall see. It depends on if I have money again or not...which I get paid Tuesday. But I don't know how much of that check will actually go to me. Whatever...I will probably still go with them..even if I dont really have much money. Just to be able to hang out with them and go around. John Travolta has the most endearing dimple in his chin...it is just cute. lol. I have three tests this week...I think I have two on Monday and then two on Wednesday. Such fun. I dun even know what my midterm grades are like because my moms computer is really stupid and won't let me sign onto the school's network to find out. Oh well...I think I am gonna go now. TTYL!!

what is this?? high school all over again??

I swear. It always gets me how people can sit there and talk about how it seems like everyone is trying to make it like high school again at college with all the drama...then they turn around and start talking shit about all the people who are supposed to be their friends. Umm...how mature is that?!?! Dur. Some people are so hypocritical it's unreal. I mean, how is she gonna sit there and say about someone else who was doing the same thing that THEY were being childish and then turn around and start being childish and talking about people behind their backs yet being nice to them to their faces? That is nothing but being two faced and it's crap. And to try to start shit between roommates??? That's even more crap. Especially when one of the roommates was supposedly her best friend. People who are hypocrites piss me off. Gah..my point is this...don't call other people immature when you ain't the most mature thing yourself.

can all this shit hit the fan at once???

I mean honestly. We had a drama filled night last night here in my hall. All having to do with racism. Grr...that is one topic that I really wish everybody would get over. We are here in the 21st century and people are still either judging other people for what was done to their ancestors that the generation now had NOTHING to do with or people still acting like the people who are different have the plague or something and are to be avoided at all costs. See, person A is white, and she likes a black guy. And she wants to date him. Well, her roommate who is person B (also white)...comes from a very racist family...so she basically tells person A that it is NOT acceptable for her to be in an interracial relationship. Which is just a piece of crap right off because it is not for person B to judge what person A does nor is it for her to tell person A who she can or cannot date. So person A got pissed at person B and went to talk to some of her friends about it...which one of them is the RA for the floor. She tells the RA (who happens to be black) what person B said...so now the RA is upset with person B. Then somehow all this shit gets around to person A's sister...who also lives on our floor...and she gets upset because she knows their parents won't condone an interracial relationship either. My point is...person A doesn't care what anyone else thinks...she likes the guy and that is that. It is not for everyone else to be telling her what she can or can't do. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion...but do they HAVE to try to press their opinion on to her??? person B did apologize to person A kinda....but person A is, understandably, still upset with person B. It would be one thing if person B had just told person A "my parents would never let me date a black guy because to them that is unacceptable" rather then try to tell person A that she just shouldn't date the guy. The other bad part of this all is, person B told her father...so her father also went off on person A....he has never met her, or anything. Yet he is trying to tell her what to do and was fussing at her because of it. Do you think what person B did was right???

Just a note..I am not directly involved in this...just indirectly involved due to the fact that I am everyone who was involved friend. It just baffles me how so long after slavery was abolished and all this shit they still try to treat black people like scum or even mexican people. What I also don't get is how all the black people can look down on us and blame us for something that we weren't directly involved in. My people were also enslaved at one point, do you see me condemning everyone because of that?!?! I have scottish and irish blood in me...both of which were enslaved at one point when they came to america. Yes, it was wrong and bad what happened to the black people of the past...but that's just it...it was IN THE PAST. You know they always tell us to let bygones be bygones...why is it so hard to let this one part go?

OK, enough ranting for now. TTYL

boorinnnggg...

Well, not much has happened since I last updated. My Uncle John died on January 17th. I barely knew him though so...I didn't cry much. I cried a little bit though. I only met him once in my life and my mom says I was only like..6 months old. haha. So yeah, don't really know him at all. I woke up with a migraine this morning...that sucked. I took some aleve and went to my first class feeling like crap...nauseous and my head still hurting. So after that class I just came back to my room and took some migraine medicine (Maxalt) and went to bed. When I woke up about 2 hours later I definitely felt better. I actually managed to make it to all classes today which really surprised me because I felt so bad this morning I didn't think I would be able to do anything. Now I am just sitting here watching a rerun of Ghost Hunters and chillin out. Shannon was supposed to come in here to use my Microsoft Word but I haven't seen her so...whatever. Some people around here are so immature. Instead of talking to eachother about the problems they have amongst themselves..they choose to gossip about it which usually ends up getting back to the other person and just makes the problem worse. It drives me insane sometimes. I hate being in the middle of other people's arguments. I am still kinda tired due to my morning. But I can always go to bed early and I don't have a class until 12 tomorrow so I can sleep in until 11 or so. Depending on if I want to get some lunch first or not. I probably shouldn't eat beforehand though because it is a lab class and I know we are gonna be dissecting a fetal pig. I hate dissections. Blech. I just hope my stomach can hold up. OK I am gonna go now. More later!!

Brrr...

First actual cold day of winter..and I love it. Although I have a cold myself. Right now it is only 18 degrees outside which is a big difference from the 70s we had been having. I hope it lasts, kills off some of the damn bugs that love to hang around here. I got up early cuz I couldn't sleep anymore and kept thinking that for some reason my alarm didn't go off. Oh well. My first week of classes back at this boring college went fine. I swear there is not much to do around here in ur spare time. Unless you want to drink all the time. Which I don't so...I just keep watching movies and wandering around the floor aimlessly talking to people. haha. (and no, it's not the people in my head) j/k. I have to be at genetics lab in an hour...i wonder what we are doing today. This will actually be the first time I go to this class. The first lab in our lab book is dealing with flies and their mating rituals. Sounds like soo much fun. Well, I really want to just climb back into bed and sleep the rest of the day. But I need to get ready for class. So, enough is enough. Bye!

of guilt and grief

Ahhh last night sucked. I lay in bed trying to go to sleep but unable to so I start thinking about my grandma. Then I think about how I felt like I let her down and all that because the night before she died I felt like I needed to go see her when I got off of work. But dummy me didn't want to do it so I came home and went to sleep...only to wake up later with that same feeling. Still ignored it and fell back asleep. I finally got up around 8am to realize that everyone in my house is gone and I knew exactly where they were (even though they didn't leave a note or anything). So I went straight to the nursing home that my grandma was in and I could tell she was suffering as soon as I walked in the door. She was dying. Part of me wonders if I had gone when the urge first hit me the night before if she wouldn't have been coherent enough to talk to me a little bit more before she started to go downhill. But now I will never know and I am forever beating myself up about it. I just feel so guilty. It's been 2 and a half years since then....but I still feel like I let her down in a real big way and I wish I could do something to fix it. If I could turn back time I would go back to that night and go when the urge first hit me. But I just didn't really want to see her die. I had told my mom I didn't want to be there when she did go, that's why they didn't wake me up or anything when they went to see her. But I guess someone had a different plan. I went in that room and knew she wasn't gonna last much longer...then I felt like the only reason I was there was to release her. That was the hardest thing for me to do. I finally did it near the end by telling her that I loved her and we would see her in heaven...not 2 seconds after I said that she went. But still to this day I feel so bad for not going when I needed to. Mebbe she had something she wanted to tell me before I went, I just don't know. And now I will never know. I know she loved me and I really wish that I didn't feel so guilty about this. I loved her very much too. She was the only one in my family after my dad died who could truly understand me. Her and I were like two peas in a pod..lol. So many if onlies and what ifs....and no answers to either. I hate myself for what I have done. I feel like I let the one person down who would do anything for me. If I wasn't so damned pigheaded would I have been able to talk to her one last time before she went? I dunno, I just...don't...know....:-(

ow

I managed to hurt myself last night. Go me. I was playing with the cats and went to jump at Quiz to scare him away and instead lost my balance and ended up on my back on the floor. Today to pay for that I have a sore neck and back. Which I was told it will only feel even worse tomorrow. whooppee. I am just soo graceful. haha. Mom wants to move to Iowa now when I graduate from college. But she seems to have wiped it from her memory that I am gonna have an extra year or so. So she keeps telling everyone "in one year after I graduate we are going to move to Iowa if her dad is still alive." I just don't know how to remind her without her being upset. Cuz grandpa really doesn't have that much longer on this earth. From what I understand he keeps getting worse and worse. He has a blood clot in his head and when that slips and he gets an aneurysm I don't really see him lasting much longer. His wife died a few years ago and I think he is just ready to give up the fight. When he goes that it the last of my grandparents. I will have no more living. ::sigh:: I will miss him very much. Now mom has to go get an ultrasound done on her neck cuz her doctor says it sounds like she might have a blockage in her veins which could be what is causing her to be so tired all of the time. I dunno, I am tryin not to worry overly much until I know for sure what is going on. We went to base this morning and made her appointment for the ultrasound tho. It will be on the 21st of January...so hopefully it all turns out fine. We were sitting in the cafeteria at base eating some breakfast when this lady just randomly comes up to me and said "you have beautiful hair". haha. I love when people do that. You know what's funny tho? If I shaved my head bald and all that or even just wore hats over my hair all the time I would probably not be noticed half as much. I miss my best friend. She went up north somewhere with her family to visit some more family. She won't be back until the 2nd or so. Then she has to turn around and be back to school on the 5th. blah. I know she wants us to do something spring break...but now I dunno if that is going to happen. Cuz my mom was talking about going to Iowa to visit sometime around then. OK well, that is enough for now. TTYL!!